Vertigo
by webofdreams89
Summary: “You’re nothing like him,” Riku says. “You keep saying that, and yet you always come back,” Roxas replies. Roxas-centric. Riku/Roxas. Akuroku.


**Author's Notes: New story. This one popped in my head the other day in Sociology. I've done all the editing on it that I can without going completely bonkers and this is the result. Hopefully it's up to standard. Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own. You do not own. End of story.**

**Summary: "You're nothing like him," Riku says. "You keep saying that, and yet you always come back," Roxas replies. Roxas-centric. Riku/Roxas. Akuroku.**

o.O.o

**Vertigo**

o.O.o

i.

The black, lurking presence had been following Roxas for some time now, whenever he left the castle and usually only when he was alone. Or with someone utterly oblivious, like Demyx.

The presence creeped in the shadows, obviously confident that Roxas already knew of it's existence as it didn't make too much of an effort to keep itself concealed.

The first time Roxas sensed the presence, he felt suspicious, on his guard at all times, but gradually, he was able to decipher a certain…_aura_ from the presence, one of confusion and confliction and a divergence.

For the time, Roxas decided to let it go.

o.O.o

ii.

The first time Roxas met Axel, despite the constant assurances that Nobodies cannot feel, Roxas knew he hated him. The redhead was his superior, teacher to the Organization's newest pawn. Yet he was cocky, messy and never listened to reason or followed protocol. He laughed a little too loud a little too long a little too much and always gave the younger blond these _looks_ that Roxas could never quite discern.

Roxas didn't like being left in the dark and especially did not like the constant strain of smirks from Axel, as if he knew something Roxas did not and was refusing to tell.

o.O.o

iii.

There are three things all members of the Organization, I through XII, know of Roxas and it is that their newest member is clever, shrewd and made of spitfire. He got what he wanted and when he wanted it. More than a few members were glad he never really seemed to want anything.

So when Roxas set a trap for the ever-present presence, he knew the boy (for some reason, he was sure the presence was a boy, a comparable age to his own) would fall for it without question.

When Roxas left the Castle that day, alone, which wasn't uncommon, he slowly meandered throughout the drab city until he felt the presence not too far behind him. His meandering took a purpose, heading to the far end of town as far away from the Castle as possible. He didn't really want to run into any of the other members while he interrogated his stalker. After all, they weren't the ones being followed. They wouldn't understand.

Turning into a short alley, he headed through, not stopping until he and the presence had made it to the other side, in a small enclosed space. He coughed delicately, a simple signal, and Samurai Nobodies overcame the presence from all sides.

Whipping around, Roxas quickly summoned Oathkeeper and Oblivion to his hands, staring hard at the presence (lord, he was right, it was a boy). Roxas' breath came in short, aching puffs in his chest as he saw the face of the one who had been following him since he joined the Organization.

The familiar pale skin, familiar long and soft looking silver hair. Instinctively, Roxas knew the blindfold wrapped around the boy's eyes swathed illuminant teal eyes.

All plans of attack, of capture and of interrogation fled as Roxas gazed at the older boy, his mouth agape. His mind forced out all other notions as he fumbled for something to say, anything, to explain the sudden shortness of breath, the speeding heart rate, the physical ache that ran right down to the tips of his toes.

"Riku," he said, his voice ripping from his chest harshly.

"So you know me," the boy responded, calling a Keyblade into his right hand. Mutely, Roxas nodded.

His eyes flitted to Riku's hair, noting how much longer and more lustrous it had gotten, how the inches that separated their heights had widened yet again.

Listing all these differences left a tiny nagging feeling in his mind, a reminder that this wasn't right. _He _had never met the boy called Riku in his life, had never known him. The vague flashes of memory, at the beach, building a raft, constant competition; none of them were his. They all belonged to _him,_ to his Other. To…

Roxas could hear Riku sigh deeply, his raised weapon lowering a bit, completely nonplussed at being surrounded by more than three dozen Nobodies ready to do Roxas' bidding. "You look more like him that I thought you would," he admitted, a gloved hand running nervously through silver bangs. Roxas' fuzzy memory banks told him that this gesture was habitual, that Riku did it whenever he was uncomfortable.

"I suppose I shouldn't be surprised," Riku went on, taking a small step to the left. "After all, you are a part of him. What's left of him."

Roxas remained silent, wondering what the swirling mist of remembered emotions meant. _Perhaps,_ Roxas though, _perhaps _he_ loved him. _

And he knew that sounded right, knew his assumption was correct. Yes, Sora had loved Riku. And that was why Roxas felt the way he did, like he'd known the boy forever, like he never wanted to leave him.

Although clothed, Roxas could feel Riku appraising him and it made him uncomfortable. He shifted from one foot to the other, making a conscious effort not to lower his Keyblades. After all, his indistinct memories also told him that Riku had betrayed Sora, and abandoned friendship for the darkness within him.

"Your eyes are duller," Riku said, breaking the stillness of the air.

"I suppose they would be," Roxas admitted, finally speaking again.

He saw the corners of Riku's mouth quirk up just the slightest bit and they both knew that he would let Riku go.

o.O.o

iv.

"Look, kid," Axel began, staring pointedly at the younger blond, "I know you're not particularly happy with, you know, being partnered with me for this mission, but-"

"Can it," Roxas said abruptly, opening a portal before the two of them that led directly into Wonderland, where there mission was to take place.

It had been a long time since someone had told Axel to, basically, shut up. And, as he watched his subordinate step unhesitatingly through the portal, he couldn't help but smile, following a moment later.

o.O.o

"What do you think the odds are that we keep getting paired together on missions?" Axel asked a few weeks later, examining the deep ruby of his new fins as he swam through the clear blue waters of Atlantica. "Maybe it has something to do with the fact that we work so well together," Axel mused, tossing a glace at Roxas, who was still getting adjusted to his temporary mere-body.

"Maybe," he said, dryly, testing the speed of his new body. "Or it could be because I have the least seniority and no one else can tolerate you, save Demyx. And whenever the two of you work together, the entire mission always ends up getting blown."

"Heh," Axel conceded, "you may just have a point there, Rox."

"Or _maybe_ it's because you requested me to be partnered with you." Roxas narrowed his eyes at the redhead, but his voice no longer contained the same degree of malice that it had when the two first met.

"So you heard about that," Axel said, not bothering to deny it. "What can I say, I like you, kid."

"Didn't I tell you to stop calling me that," Roxas said, his voice a trace scathing.

"And that, _Roxas,_ is where the problem lies. You _tell _me to stop calling me that, as if I have no other choice."

Roxas sighed, knowing exactly what Axel meant. In an Organization where orders were constantly being barked and little choice was given, it meant the world to be given the slightest bit of freedom, or choice.

"Axel," Roxas began, taking a deep breath, his bare chest flaring out briefly at the movement, "can you please stop calling me kid. Just call me…Roxas."

"I just might," Axel said, giving Roxas a mischievous grin. "I just might."

o.O.o

v.

Roxas felt his ghost of a heart flare as hands roamed his body, as his cloak was tossed to the ground without a second thought. A hot tongue found his ear, darting across the shell of it. Fingers trailed down his pale body, digging into hips and dipping under boxers. They yanked down his ankles a moment later as hands cupped Roxas' ass, lifting him and simultaneously wrapping legs around waist.

Saliva was used to ease the penetration, but it did little alleviate the physical pain and Roxas was glad of it. He could focus on it, and on the pleasure, on the pain, and just forget everything else.

He came a few moments later, white and hot and blinding as hips continued to slam into his own. Grasping onto shoulders, Roxas clung on until his breath evened, returned slowly to normal.

"You're nothing like him," Riku said breathlessly, breaking the silence and burrowing his face in the crook between Roxas' shoulder and neck.

"You keep saying that," Roxas replied, voice quiet and empty, his fingers burying themselves in silky strands of hair. "You keep saying that, but you always come back."

o.O.o

vi.

"I can't believe that you caused an avalanche," Roxas said, wrapping his thin arms around himself and shivering. Winters in the Land of Dragons were not kind. "Especially when we're both too tired to even use a portal."

"Aw, come one, Roxas. How was I supposed to know that that Heartless was going to turn on to me. At least we're stuck in a cave and not buried twelve feet under the snow." The two had barely survived the avalanche, tumbling into an abandoned cave. Moving further into the cave to avoid the snow, they'd discovered that someone had lived inside it before, old furniture scattered throughout.

"Besides," Axel continued, "I know a way we can stay warm."

"I'm not sleeping with you," Roxas said pointedly.

"I wouldn't expect you to," Axel said, feigning disdain before he grinned wickedly, "but I wouldn't object to it either." Face growing serious, Axel added, "Actually, I was going to light a fire."

"If you don't even have enough strength to portal us back to the castle, then how do you still have the strength to use your powers."

"I don't, Roxas, I told you I'm _beat. _But I'm resourceful." Walking over to where an old table set sat, Axel broke apart the wood and set it in the middle of an ancient fire ring. Pulling a lighter from his pockets, he proceeded to stand over the fire ring until a flame finally caught, burning brightly in the dim room. He sat down in front of it, patting the ground next to him. Roxas, a wry smile on his face, sat.

Pulling a pack of cigarettes from his pocket Axel lit one, handing it to his companion who took it from him, setting it between his lips and inhaling deeply.

The two sat in silence for a while, both staring at the fire before them. Glancing at the man next to him, Roxas decided Axel just might not be as much of a pain in the ass as he had originally thought.

And told him so.

o.O.o

vii.

"You know I'm going to have to bring you in," Riku murmured in Roxas' ear as they stood, bodies pressed together. Roxas felt gentle fingers run through his soft blond hair, so unlike the thick, chocolaty hair Riku desired.

Roxas' breath caught and he leaned further into Riku's body. He hated that he couldn't deny the silver haired boy anything. Whenever he saw the him, emotions coursed through this body. Whatever it was his Other had felt for the boy, _love, lust, longing_, it overflowed within Roxas, leaving him helpless within the arms of the older boy. But he always found himself seeing another in his head, glimpses of bright red and flashes of green and a mischievous grin.

"Yeah," Roxas' panted, his fingers pulling the zipper of Riku's robe down, "and I have orders to kill you." Xemnas had decreed such a while ago, when he'd first discovered Roxas was being followed. His hands slipped inside Riku's robes, cringing at how wrong it felt, but relishing in the way his memory told him that this was good, was what his Other had wanted, what he, too, should want.

He saw himself then, holding on to Riku, a boy he'd never met until recently that he had thousands of memories of. He saw himself, the faint apparition of a person, not really real, clinging to someone who was but was lost in the past, longing for someone who he'd lost. They both held each other all the tighter.

"We're both fools," Roxas said.

o.O.o

viii.

Roxas awoke with something wiry tickling his nose. He scrunched his nose, trying to disengage whatever it was, with no such luck. Opening his eyes, he saw only red. Eyes widening, he pulled back and saw Axel lying beside him, a loose arm wrapped around Roxas' waist.

Smiling slightly, Roxas was surprised at how right it felt.

o.O.o

ix.

Roxas had been sent out on a one-man mission, to take down a few rogue Nobodies. When he walked through the gates outside of the city, he saw Riku waiting for him, arms crosses as he leaned nonchalantly against the stone wall.

When he saw the blond, without preamble, he walked to him, wrapping an arm around him and lifting his chin for a kiss. But something in Roxas' gut told him that it was wrong, that he should turn his head.

He'd heard all the speeches, that they were Nobodies, that they didn't and couldn't feel, but for some reason, it just felt so wrong to Roxas.

So he did turn his head, his voice even as he said, "No, Riku."

"What are you talking about?" Riku asked a bit sullenly, trying to recapture the blond's lips.

"No," Roxas said again, hissing it this time. His eyes were narrowed and lips set in an angry line. Startled, Riku took a step backward, for the first time realizing that this wasn't Sora.

Of course, he'd always _known _that the boy before him wasn't Sora, but now, now it was just so blatantly obvious, spelled out before him in pure black and white. Sora was gentle and kind and innocent. The boy before him was none of those things, angry and rough and constantly seeking more, wanting more.

A strange feeling coursed through Roxas' stomach. He felt the need to explain himself. "This is what Sora would do," he said. "And I'm not Sora. He's gone."

Riku's face grew hard at the realization that he couldn't pretend any longer. He sighed deeply, looking at the blue eyes that were so much duller than the ones he held in mind and memory. "I knew it was going to come to this one day," he admitted.

The two walked away, both knowing that the next time they met, one of them wasn't going to walk away. Either Riku would be killed by Roxas as ordered, or Riku would capture Roxas.

o.O.o

x.

_Roxas lay with his head on Axel's chest, hand held tight in the other's. Breaking the pleasant silence, he said, "I'm going to leave the Organization someday."_

"_What did you say?" Axel asked, turning his head to meet the blond's gaze._

"_Exactly what I said," Roxas replied. "I need answers. The Organization isn't going to give them to me, no one will. I have to know about him."_

"_Roxas," Axel said desperately at the thought Roxas would actually leave. And Axel knew Roxas would. The boy never said anything he didn't mean, never voiced empty promises. So he wrapped his arms tightly around the other, as if trying to hold the boy to him forever._

o.O.o

xi.

"No one would miss me," Roxas said, his back to the redhead. He was confident in his assumption and did not hear Axel's reply.

"_That's not true. I would."_

o.O.o

xii.

Roxas had barely made it off castle grounds when he felt the tiny hairs on the back of his neck stand on end, a shadow accosting him from overhead. He called forth Keyblades, turning round to face a blindfolded face that should have hosted aquamarine eyes.

The battle had begun.

_End._

o.O.o

**A/N: Let me know what you think, leave a review!**

**webofdreams89**


End file.
